If a Woman Masturbates, How Does She Do So?
If a woman masturbates with her fingers does she insert them in her vagina and pump them in and out or does she massage the clitoral area? If she uses a vibrator does she insert it in the vagina or does she touch the clitoral area? If she inserts a dildo or some other phallus-like form into her vagina and moves it in and out, does she only do that or does she also use her fingers, a vibrator or something similar to massage the clitoral area?
Where and What Stimuli Cause a Woman to Respond?
The ability to respond to stimuli, and the locations on their body were they respond to them, varies greatly from one woman to the next. I maintain that the greatest majority of women respond more easily, and more often, from some form of stimulation to the clitoral area. I have known women who can think about sex and have orgasms. This is known as psychogenic orgasm. This enforces the often-repeated statement that the primary sex organ is the brain. The brain can allow and assist someone in being responsive or it can just as easily and frequently does block orgasms altogether. I have known women who can have orgasms from some form of breast stimulation. I have known women who respond to extensive love play in the form of kissing, caressing and touching. I remember one lady who could respond to kissing her neck. I have known many who respond to stimulation of the G-Spot area. I do not personally remember knowing anyone who did not respond to clitoral stimulation if properly administered. Therefore, much of the discussion that follows centers around clitoral stimulation. This is not meant to diminish the importance of foreplay or of stimulating the other areas of sensitivity nor all of the recommended prerequisites of lovemaking.
The Majority of the People in this World Have Been Had!
I have long maintained that the greatest hoax played upon the world is the importance of the male stroking during intercourse. The in-and-out motion of stroking is used in nearly all male/female porno material. This movement gives the viewer a better view of what turns them on. It is what they wish to see. Thus most viewers think this is how intercourse is performed. To my knowledge, (I admit to not having made a study on this point.) man is the only animal in the kingdom that strokes. (Stroking should not be confused with the natural movement of trying to force the penis in further, which does have a slight in/out movement in the attempt to thrust deeper.) Please do not try to tell me that man strokes because he has the ability to think. It is the opposite, he strokes because he is not thinking or because he is selfish. I believe that stroking is 95% to the benefit of the male and the 5% received by the female would come under the category of “priming the pump”. In a new book “Revealing the ‘G’ Spot & other Modern Sexual Mysteries” I see the statistic that about a third of all women say it feels good, to a degree, but only 18% say they believe they can have an orgasm from any form of stroking.
Where is the Clitoris Located in Relation to the Vaginal Opening?
The location of the clitoris, as it relates to the vaginal opening, varies very widely from one woman to the next. Some women have a clit located quite close to the vaginal opening and some are considerable distance away. The ladies with a clit close to the opening stand a chance of getting some stimulation from stroking because on the IN stroke the flesh will fold in somewhat so the clitoris and adjoining labia will make a slight contact with the penis as it moves in. They are the lucky ones. For most others, the only chance of getting any stimulation on the clit during stroking is a slight transfer of sensation from the labia or a slight bump of the clit at the point of full insertion. Their chances of responding to orgasm during this form of intercourse are slim at best.
Let Me Define One Term I Use Throughout This Paper!
The term hump or humping is generally applied to the movement used by the male to create the stroking or in-out movement of the penis. When the female uses this exact same motion it is more often referred to as rocking. It is the same motion and uses all of the same muscles. I have a tendency to think of humping as being something that can be more aggressive and rocking as something that is gentle. Therefore, in this paper I will use the term hump or humping as it applies to the movement I wish for the female to use. The movement I would like to see her use should be aggressive.
What Is the Best Position for Intercourse for the Woman?
I have not read nearly all of the books by sex therapists or other similar professionals, but I have read many. In every one I have read, they all say that the Woman Superior position during intercourse is the best position for the woman. However, I have learned that just because you may be using this position does not mean you are utilizing it to full advantage. I believe that when a woman is sitting on her partner she should have her knees on the same surface, as he is on, and the lower leg and feet will be extended out behind her. This position gives more body contact and intimacy. I do not believe it is nearly as effective or intimate if she puts her feet up or forward. The only exception would be if she cannot be on her knees because of physical limitations. Every effort should be made to find a way to make her comfortable with her knees down, such as using pillows or pads. In this position the woman is in control and does the moving. She should stay all the way down to his body as she humps him with a forward and back motion of her hips. For the greatest amount of clitoral stimulation she should not raise herself up and down to create a stroking of the penis! To me, humping is the same physical movement as stroking by the male and that is moving the hips forward and back as if from a pivot point near the waist. In this position and with this movement, two beneficial things happen for her. First by staying all the way down and humping, the woman causes her entire clitoral area to move forward and back across the male pubic bone area and thus receives continued stimulation. Secondly, as she moves her hips forward and back the penis is forced to rock forward and back internally and hits against the front and back wall of the vagina. As it is forced against the front wall it is giving stimulation to her G-Spot area, another important pleasure point.
Having Multiple Orgasms is a Learned Behavior. Why You Should Learn This.
For women, the ability to have multiple orgasms is a learned behavior. I have often heard women say, “Oh, I am perfectly happy to have only one orgasm”. True. BUT, I have never heard a woman who can have five orgasms say she wished she had never learned how to have more than one. I have never heard a woman who can have twenty orgasms say she wished she had never learned how to go past one, or five. I have never heard a woman that can have fifty say she wished she had never learned how to have more than one, or five, or twenty, etc.
With proper attitude and stimulation, it is my belief that most women can learn to have dozens of orgasms during a session of intercourse. I have personally experienced this many times – where a lady went from having none or one orgasm to easily have 50 or 75 during a session of intercourse. This did not happen over night. They were able to accomplish this by: 1- having the knowledge and belief that they could be more responsive, 2- “wanting to” increase their ability to respond, 3- accepting repeated encouragement to push themselves to go further (not stopping after one, or two, or five or ten orgasms), 4- having sexual activity often and 5- I hope it should go without saying, “proper and sufficient stimulation”. Once they have learned this ability to respond easily, they will want sexual activity more often and will be a much more enjoyable partner. A woman who does not orgasm during intercourse will not want to participate very often and when she does participate, is only being a slave to some uncaring male.
The Knowledgeable and Caring Versus the Uninformed or Non-Caring.
In this world there are millions of men who are extremely knowledgeable and caring and who have helped their partners become very responsive and enjoyable partners. It is these same men who are comfortable with their masculinity and are not threatened by something like the Sybian. The problem is that there are tens of millions of men who are either non-caring or at the very least have not made the effort to try and understand the woman’s needs. The Sybian, understandably, threatens most of these individuals because they are not secure in their ability to perform. It is this latter group whom I wish to reach, or at least cause them to think a bit. You often hear men complaining that their partners never want to have sex. I believe that this can be and frequently is the man’s fault. This is because he has never cared about her satisfaction and certainly has not helped teach her to become more responsive. This includes the need for more knowledge on the part of both partners about sexuality in general and specifically her needs. It is my hope this paper will increase the knowledge of both. It is my contention that if a woman knows that she can anticipate having 15 or 20 orgasms every time that she has sex that she will be willing to have sex as often as asked. Frequently she will even become the aggressor. Having multiple orgasms is a tremendous stress reliever. The informed know this and will take advantage of opportunities to do so.
Adjusting to the Sybian.
The Sybian is larger than any other device and can be intimidating to some users. The sound that emanates from it is also different and can be intimidating to some new users. It should be understood that to enjoy the benefits offered by the Sybian requires a mental adjustment by many new users. Occasionally we have ladies tell us it hurts. When a penis is inserted it moves to follow the path of the vaginal channel. When a pin is in the Insert it does not have the ability to do this. The rubber parts are no harder than a fully erect penis so if it hurts this means the user has either not made the mental adjustment necessary to accommodate this device or has not physically adjusted her body position properly. Making these adjustments and using it several times will solve this, if it was a problem at all.
When using the Sybian the clitoral area should be in full contact with the rubber piece at all times and preferably when she is in a near upright position. If she cannot make full contact and remain upright, she should try the slipper. The slipper can be placed in many positions so that she can maintain comfortable contact and remain upright.
Videos and DVDs Portray Sybian in Wrong Light!
At the time that I am writing this, nearly 23 years after Sybian was first shipped; I would guess the Sybian has appeared in more than 1000 videos or DVDs. What has happened to the Sybian is the same as what I discussed earlier about porno material. They show what the viewer wishes to see. Nearly all material shows a frontal view of the woman using Sybian alone. Occasionally it is shown with a partner behind so the viewer still sees a frontal view of her. I have always thought that using the Sybian is something a couple does together in an intimate embrace. We ship a stool with every unit and the purpose of the stool is for the partner to sit on it, facing the user, with their legs wrapped around her and sitting bare skin to bare skin with their arms around each other. In this position the partner can kiss, caress, massage, whisper encouragement, control the unit and give support.
This said, it is not always best that the partner be present when a woman is using the Sybian for the first few times. Some women prefer trying it by their self in the beginning. It gives them an opportunity to experiment, set their own pace and not to feel pressured to perform. I suggest that all partners make this offer. When she is ready, the user will invite you to participate.
My Suggestions on How to Use the Sybian When You Do Not Have a Partner
Contrary to what you see in those videos, I think it is best to put the Sybian on a well-padded floor surface next to and set up so that the user is facing a bed. The controls can then be placed on the bed and she can use 2 or 3 large pillows to wrap her arms around and lean against. This creates a much more stable and comfortable situation than sitting out in an open area with nothing for support.
Using Sybian as a Training Tool.
Use of the Sybian falls into one of two categories or a combination of the two. It may be used for pure unmitigated pleasure and sexual gratification or it may be used as a training tool. Frequently it is used as a training tool in the beginning weeks or months and once they have learned to respond easily and multiply, it is used thereafter for pleasure. I would like to discuss it as a training tool. I stated above that the ability to have multiple orgasms is a learned behavior. I listed some of the prerequisites necessary to accomplish this. The Sybian will give “proper and sufficient stimulation” but other factors should be considered. Creating a proper atmosphere is also necessary. Make sure that you will not have any interruptions such as a ringing phone or children or whatever. Create a positive mood situation. A darkened room with low lights, music that tends to turn you on, or the sound of waterfalls and the like might help create a receptive mood. Using a “Head Set” to hear this will not only give better sound but will help block out any surrounding noise that may be distracting. Once you start using the Sybian close your eyes and do not open them again until you have finished the session. This will help avoid distractions that may be present in your surroundings.
I repeat the following because of its importance. When you have Intercourse in the Woman Superior Position the woman should put her knees down and extend her leg and feet out behind her. She should stay all the way down and hump her partner with a forward and back motion so that the clitoral area stays in full contact with the man’s pubic area. She should not raise herself up and down to create a stroking of the penis! Humping, done properly, will give continuous stimulation to the clitoral area.
I repeated that because I believe she should put her knees down and use this same humping motion when using the Sybian. It is being proactive, not passive, and helps her learn and become accustomed to the movement she will use during intercourse. As you hump, you should alternately do two things. First, push out as if you were trying to urinate (it will not cause a problem if you do) and second, tighten down or squeeze the insert as if you were trying to stop urination. Doing this movement causes you to use the pubococcygeus muscle, often referred to as the PC muscle. You can hold this “squeeze” sometimes for an extended period as you continue to hump. In addition to intensifying the experience, doing this exercise will strengthen this PC muscle. This will greatly enhance your orgasms and make them more explosive. If you alternate these two actions, as you hump, you will soon find that one works better for you and that one should be used more, but probably not exclusively.
Learn to Expand your Capabilities and Capacity!
It is my opinion that when operating the speed controls that you will start with rotation and get comfortable with that movement before you add vibration. (For the beginner, if rotation is not comfortable, rotate the insert to the point it is most comfortable and turn it off for the time being. If it remains uncomfortable, switch to the FlatTop. You can come back to insertion and rotation at a later time.) Add vibration by turning it to 9 or 10 o’clock on the dial to start and then work it up to about 3 o’clock on the dial. It is my belief that most women can get rotation up to maximum rather quickly and can leave it there for the entire session. For vibration, anything above the 3 o’clock on the dial is more likely to be “a change of pace” and it can then be speeded up or slowed somewhat to accomplish this. Most users will soon learn where on the dial they are most comfortable and responsive with vibration. Once you reach orgasm, you should absolutely ride it as long as you possibly can. When having an orgasm, you are in a form of trance or hypnotic state. What you should try to do is not to lose this “trance like” state, but maintain it as much as you can, for the remainder of the session. With your eyes closed, you should be unaware of the environment around you and concentrate on the beautiful feeling in the pelvic area. Once you have ridden an orgasm as long as you can, turn the vibration speed control to off. Keep your eyes closed and maintain that trance like state but remain motionless – even though the rotation is still going. After a 15 to 30 second period, turn the vibration back on and bring up the speed quite quickly. For some women this may initially be uncomfortable but if you will endure this momentarily it will subside and you will quickly be back in the orgasmic state. During these orgasmic times it will also enhance the experience if you are vocal in both moans and screams or if you verbalize what you are feeling: “I’m coming” “I just keep coming” “Its beautiful” “Oh my god, I just keep coming” etc. You should actively try to “vocalize” is some form rather than to avoid expression. This is also a part of being proactive and will enhance the experience. This process can be repeated over and over and for as long as the stamina allows. As time goes on the stamina will increase dramatically and the sessions will become longer.
When and Why a Partner May Participate in the Training Sessions.
Twice above I have mentioned items that indicate a value in partner participation. I said: “They were able to accomplish this by…. 3- accepting repeated encouragement to”, and that one of the values of partner participation is “to whisper encouragement.”
The first requirement is that the partner be someone the woman cares about and respects. Without this, she should not allow partner participation. With this, the partner can be of tremendous help. I am of the opinion that one of the reasons many women hold back and do not respond as completely as they might is because they are afraid they might look foolish or in some way embarrass themselves. A knowledgeable partner can help them past this by not only giving them permission but by also giving encouragement to reach a higher plateau.
If the partner were to sit on the stool with their legs and arms around her, they can kiss, touch, massage, and as she humps the Sybian, can hump her back. Once she starts to have orgasms the most important thing to do is whisper in her ear. The user should do all of the things discussed above and in particular keep her eyes closed and concentrate on the good feelings being created. Once she starts to have orgasms she should not try to have any form of conversation. This would tend to bring her out of the trance like state. Not good! She should not think during a session. Only feel. Her only form of communication should be in the form of expressing the emotions she is feeling. Moaning, screaming or saying “I’m Coming” are all forms of expressing emotions. This is good!
The first stages of a session with the Sybian should be a continuation of Foreplay that started in advance. Once the session has advanced to where the partner can see that she is starting to respond, start to whisper in her ear. The patter should be continuous and should not include any questions that would be asking for a verbal response other than to say “if you are coming, tell me”. Otherwise the patter should only use things that are truthful. While whispering, communicate as if it is the partner who is having intercourse with her. This makes it is easier for her to detach herself from the fact she is using a mechanical device. In such sessions, I have heard many say that they became oblivious to the fact that the Sybian was involved. A good sales pitch is hard to resist.
The patter might include such things as: I Love You – – – You feel wonderful – – – I love holding you like this – – – Hump me – – – Try to push my cock out of you – – – keep your eyes closed – – – squeeze my cock as hard as you can – – – I want you to let it all out – – – hump me and let everything go – – – tell me when you are coming – – – you’re doing great – – – fuck me hard – – – give it to me – – – you’re beautiful – – – I love you – – – keep it going – – – don’t stop – – – let everything go – – – don’t hold back – – – fuck me – – – don’t stop – – – keep it going and get rid of all that poison – – – keep your eyes closed – – – go ahead and scream – – – you feel wonderful – – – fuck me – – – don’t stop – – – keep it going – – – I love holding you when you are coming – – – you are so beautiful when you are coming – – – go ahead and scream – – – keep fucking me hard – – – I love you – – – it feels wonderful when you fuck me like this – – –
Keep her going as long as you can but when you sense that she can not continue any more on this orgasm, let the rotation continue at full speed and say: I am going to stop fucking you (as you turn off vibration) for a moment and I want you to sit still and keep your eyes closed and just enjoy the feeling of my cock moving inside of you. Just enjoy the wonderful feelings you have. Don’t move and keep your eyes closed. You are wonderful and I love you and you are doing great. After 15 to 30 seconds say: I want you to fuck me some more (as you turn vibration back on) and I want you to let everything go this time. Don’t be holding back. This two part sequence can be repeated for as many times as you wish and as long as she has the stamina to do so. One thing I did not include in the above patter is the use of her name. It is definitely advantages to call her by name about every fourth comment.
I was reluctant to use the word “fuck” in this writing. I decided to do so for several reasons. First, three Psychologists (they were also licensed Sex Therapists) have told me that when used during Intercourse it is a very powerful aphrodisiac, even to those who would object violently to its use during a regular conversation. Secondly, I have seen the magic results myself. Third, I have noted that when reversed it is always a turn-on to me.
While On This Subject, Lets Talk About Phone Sex
The above type of patter really works well over the phone. While the partner is not physically present to touch and kiss, such patter of words is still very powerful and can frequently accomplish much of the same results. The primary difference is that she must be asked to turn the dials when it becomes time to do so. I have found it is best if she can be wearing a Phone Head Set. This leaves her hands free to operate the controls and to thrash around at will. A Phone Head Set will also help block out some of the surrounding unwanted sounds. This is a case where I think she is better off leaning against a bed as previously discussed.
For partners that are separated by distance, this can be a lot of fun. I have known others who have made new contacts and have used phone sex to the benefit of both. Using a patter as described above works well.
I said above that phone sex requires that the user operate the controls. This is not totally true. Over the nearly 23 years Sybian has been on the market we have had several individuals that have developed the technology to control the Sybian over the Internet. I am not aware that any of them were able to capture enough business to economically continue doing so. Maybe this will create more interest and this enjoyment can be expanded. I am under the impression that some girls who do phone sex for a living do have this capability, if the caller is set up with the proper equipment.
Transferring Your New Knowledge from the Sybian to your Partner.
All of this is the process of learning to respond more easily and completely. It is training the mind, the muscles, the nerve endings and all aspects of fulfilling orgasms. It is a complete release of tension. Once you have trained your body to respond easily and for an extended period, say 40 minutes of almost continuous orgasms, you are ready to go to stage two of the training. To do this, start to reduce the speed of both controls and start to rely on the humping of the unit along with the squeezing in and pushing out movements. Continue to vocalize. Moan as you enjoy the build up and scream when you get there. While your eyes remain closed you can visualize that you are astraddle of whom ever you wish it to be. Fantasize. On each new session, continue to reduce speed until it is no longer used. If you can hump the Sybian and have orgasms when it is not turned on, you can do the same with any partner at any time, and easily! Most men can last longer when having intercourse in the Woman Superior Position but with your new energy, excitement and screaming, you may have to rein in on occasion to keep him from getting off to quickly. Sounds like fun, eh?
How to Best Enjoy the Woman Superior Position During Intercourse.
If a man is lying flat on a bed and having sex with the woman on top, it is normal for the woman to want to lean forward and make body contact. Doing so defeats part of the purpose of being in this position. For her to hump her partner effectively, her hips must move forward and back more nearly in the same plain as the partner’s body. Her hips need to stay in a perpendicular position from that of her partner. In this position she can rock forward and back and keep her clitoral area pressed up against his pubic bone area. If he is lying horizontal he can cup her breasts with his hands and hold her up in the vertical position. Holding her away gives him a better view of the beautiful facial contortions she creates while she orgasms.
Although I have laid flat on my back in a bed a lot of times, I prefer to create a situation where I can sit up in a more vertical position. This can be done by leaning against pillows placed against the headboard on a bed or using a couch (I started to say davenport but I recently learned the younger generation does not know what that is) or some other similar furniture that is comfortable. This means the man is comfortable sitting on the surface in the nude and the lady has a place to put her knees and lower leg on that same surface that is comfortable for her. In this position it is easier for her to round her back to keep her hips more perpendicular to his body but still bring her head forward enough to kiss and touch.
How to Accomplish the Same Results with Lady in Supine Position.
For variety and a change of pace, one way to accomplish the same result with the lady on her back and the man on top is to use the following. The man can put his arms under her legs and grasp her wrist from the backside. In this position the man can fully insert and use the leverage with this handhold to stay fully inserted and tight up against her. She can then use the leverage with her legs over his arms or shoulders to do the same humping as she did when on top. Once again she will have continuous contact with her clitoral area against his pubic bone and she is then in control of her orgasmic destiny. In either position, if the man has learned and practiced ways to control his response, he can allow her to have the first 30 to 50 orgasms and then join her in orgasmic bliss.
How Does the Man Control His Response?
If any of this is to work, lets say she can have 50 orgasms in 50 minutes; the man must be able to maintain an erection for this period of time and usually this means to avoid ejaculation. An experienced woman with reasonable stamina can have almost continuous orgasms for 30 minutes to an hour. For a man to avoid ejaculation and maintain an erection for that long with a screaming and highly charged woman riding on high, is another feat in itself. Personally, I generally was able to accomplish this by either stopping her movement temporarily or by forcing my mind to other thoughts from time to time as required. I would guess there will be many who read this that have more knowledge and better suggestions of ways to avoid premature ejaculation. I would entertain the idea of learning them and possibly adding them on this page. I do note that in the book mentioned above on page 2 that they teach a simple and what they believe is a failsafe technique where you push your navel out and you cannot ejaculate but you can have the orgasm.h
What Do the Kids Do Today?
When I grew up in the 40’s and for many years thereafter, the cars had front seats that were one continuous bench type seat. It was easy to lay the girl down and have sexual intercourse. Although I am right handed I learned to fondle with my left hand because as the car driver I could put my right arm around her shoulders and my left hand was available to do the playing. That carried over for life. It was not too long before I learned it was a lot better and more enjoyable to put her on top as I sat upright on the passenger side. That also carried over for life. So what do the young people do now with bucket seats and a console between them? They are missing out on what was some of the best times in my life.
Another Fun Thing I Have Not Seen In Any Books or Drawings.
I just used a whole paragraph to tell you why I fondle or play with my left hand. In this exercise I have the lady lie face down near the left side of the bed (that would be to the right if you are standing at the foot looking at the bed.) If you use your right hand to fondle, you would have her lie on the other side of the bed. I then lie cross ways on the bed, 90 degrees from her, and put my chest and weight on her buttocks. After putting lubricant or saliva on my finger, I insert my left hand, starting at her waist on her left side, under her so I can reach and massage her clit. By starting at the waist you can avoid her hipbone from lying on your arm. I lubricate my thumb on my right hand and insert it vaginally, soft side down to massage her G-spot. Listen to her and do not hurt her. Some women are very sensitive and do not allow you to massage either place very firmly. Conversely I have known others who would allow me to press with my right thumb until I could feel my left hand thru the body wall. The trick is to cause her to have orgasms without causing discomfort. If you are getting the orgasms, you are lying with your weight on her buttocks to keep her from squirming away from you. Use good sense and do not do something stupid and cause her pain.
Am I Really That Tough and Bad-Ass?
I have said do and do not quite a few times. My purpose was to emphasize the importance of certain things in the learning process. I would like for the lady become an equal in her ability to enjoy intercourse. Once she has that ability and expectation and a partner who understands this and fulfills his responsibility to make sure her needs are met, then experimentation should take place.
I have previously said that stroking is for the primary benefit of the male. It is of equal importance that he receives his full gratification during every session of intercourse. If her needs have been met and he wishes to stroke, so be it. If you have a book with 46, 64 or 107 different sex positions, try them. Just keep in mind that if they involve stroking (which most do) that adjustments need to be made for her to get equal benefit. There are several positions that will allow the man to stay fully inserted and for the woman to do the humping.